


Your Secret's Safe with Me

by TobytheWise



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Asexual Raphael Santiago, Background Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Background Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Biting, Blood Drinking, Canonical Character Death, Daylighter Raphael Santiago, Fluff, Frottage, Happy Ending, Human Simon, Intimacy, M/M, Meet-Cute, Pansexual Simon Lewis, Plot Twists, Rebirth, Simon Rethinks what Sex and Intimacy can be, Vampire Raphael Santiago, Vampire Simon Lewis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-08-19 06:25:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20205208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TobytheWise/pseuds/TobytheWise
Summary: Simon’s been thinking about meeting his soulmate since he was a little boy. It’s supposed to be the happiest day of his life, yet, when the day finally comes, he’s met with walls around Raphael’s heart. Raphael claims to have secrets and baggage that’ll eventually push Simon away but Simon’s not giving up without a fight.The two learn to navigate being soulmates as their issues slowly come to light, some easier to deal with than others. Will Simon continue to push himself into Raphael’s heart, or will these secrets grow to be too much for him to keep?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my Saphael Soulmate AU! <3 I love these two so fucking much and I'm so excited to share this with everyone. This world is my own world that's a mix between canon and the Alternate Universe from the show with my own twists mixed in there as well. I plan on posting a new chapter every Sunday.   
I hope you all enjoy! :)

“Simon,” Clary whines as she tugs him along. 

Simon groans as he stumbles, trying to keep up with his best friend. “Slow down, Fray!”

“I’m just so excited!” Clary says back, a huge smile across her face.

They’re on their way to Pandemonium, a new night club that opened recently. She’s supposed to be meeting some guy she met at a coffee shop. Simon being the supportive, yet overprotective best friend that he is, has decided to tag along. 

Clary takes his hand as they make their way into the club. The lights flash, the music booms. The entire place smells like alcohol and sweat but in that kinda sexy way that makes excitement thrum through Simon’s veins. 

Clary leans in. “Let’s grab a drink from the bar!”

He nods, gesturing for her to lead the way. The bar is crowded but they find a space, leaning against the bar. A beautiful woman with curly brown hair is bartending, handing out drinks left and right. She’s good at her job, smiling and chatting as she goes. 

“Hey, guys,” she greets, her eyes warming as they land on Clary. “What can I get you?”

“Two shots of patron and two,” Clary pauses, looking up at the drink specials, “black magics.”

“Coming right up.”

“This place is so cool,” Clary says as they wait for their drinks. 

Simon looks around, taking everything in. There’s a large dance floor, people moving to the music. The lights flash but over here by the bar, it’s not overwhelming. There’s a place up on a platform where people can sit on sofas and chat while looking over the dancefloor. Overall, Simon thinks it’s a pretty cool club and he doesn’t hate that Clary wanted to come here. 

“Here you are,” the bartender, Maia her name tag reads, says as she sets their drinks on the table. Then she pulls two shot glasses out from under the bar, filling them with Patron. 

Simon tosses a twenty onto the bar. “Keep the change, Maia.”

“Why thank you,” she says with a wide smile before moving onto the next customers. 

“To us,” Clary says, picking up her shot glass. “To us finding our soulmates.”

It’s their thing. Whenever they cheers or take a moment of silence or anything like that, they always joke about this being the time they find their soulmates. So Simon smiles at his best friend, clinking his shot glass against hers. “To finding our soulmates,” he says before taking his shot. The Patron goes down smooth, barely burning his throat. 

“Think we should look around? Prowl a bit?”

Simon shrugs, picking up his ‘black magic’ cocktail. He takes a sip, humming as the sweet taste hits his tongue. “Wanna check out the little platform area? Scope out who’s around?”

Clary laces her arm through Simon’s as they go up onto the platform area. They find an open loveseat to sit at. “See anyone that’s catching your eye?”

Clary raises her brow. “Maia was pretty cute but she’s not my soulmate,” Clary says with a shrug. “I’m done with dating people who aren’t.”

Simon grimaces, thinking about the long line of failed relationships that Clary’s been through. Way too many nights of staying up crying, burying sorrows in tubs of ice cream. Not for the first time, Simon thinks about how much easier their lives would have been if they’d just been soulmates. They’re best friends, through and through, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t have a crush on Clary for awhile. Thankfully, he’d gotten over that in high school. Now they’re both just living life, waiting for the day they find their soulmates. 

Simon’s hand touches his left bicep where his soulmate make lies. It’s there in black, the first words his soulmate will say to him when they meet and even Simon has to admit the words are pretty on par with Simon’s general aesthetic. 

“You and me both, Fray,” he says, looking over the crowd. “When’s your friend supposed to be here?”

Clary checks her phone just as a tall blonde guy and a stunning brunette walk up the platform. Simon raises his hand, smiling as they walk towards them. “You didn’t tell me your friend was Jace!”

“Oh,” Clary says, surprise coloring her voice. “You know Jace?”

“Oh yeah,” Simon says as Jace sits down on the table across from them, smiling at Clary. “Jace and I are practically best friends.”

Jace’s smile quickly disappears. “I wouldn’t go that far, Lewis.”

Simon snorts. “You practically beg me to play at your coffee shop every Friday  _ and _ you give me free coffee. That makes us best friends.”

Jace rolls his eyes but doesn’t argue which Simon counts as a win. “This is my sister,” Jace says, gesturing towards the beautiful brunette. “Izzy.”

“Nice to meet you,” Clary says, giving Izzy a wide smile. “I’m Clary.”

“We tried getting my brother to come along with us but clubs aren’t really  _ his thing _ ,” Jace says, wrinkling his nose. “What a dork.”

“Hey,” Simon says in mock offense. “Dorks are  _ in _ right now.”

Izzy laughs. “I think you mean nerd. Nerds are in.”

Clary butts in. “What’s the difference?”

Jace looks at Clary like she hung the fucking mood and surprisingly, it doesn’t make Simon feel anything but happy. Clary deserves to have someone look at her like that and he wonders what Jace’s soulmate mark says. 

“We should go dance,” Izzy whines, tugging on Jace’s arm. 

“I’m not sure I’ve drank enough for that,” Clary says. 

Just then, two men walk onto the platform area. One of them is dressed to impress. Purple pants, black sleeveless shirt, necklaces and rings. His hair is done up with purple tips, his makeup flawless. If that was Simon’s type, he’d be completely taken as the man strides across the room to sit at a couch. The air around him screams that he’s important, in charge. 

But it’s the other man that catches Simon’s eye. He’s shorter than the first, dressed in a dark blue suit that fits him perfectly. His skin is tan and even from here, Simon thinks he can make out the brown of his eyes. He’s breathtaking, literally, as Simon sucks in a sharp breath, reminding himself air is necessary to live. 

Clary taps his chin and he can feel his cheeks flush. “Might wanna shut that before you catch a fly.”

“Shut it, Fray.” 

Jace lets out a deep throaty laugh, like Simon being embarrassed is something new and hilarious despite the fact that he’s seen Simon before he’s had his morning coffee. He rolls his eyes, trying to play the entire situation off like it’s no big deal but his eyes flit over to the guy again without his permission. 

Now he leans against the arm of the sofa, looking almost bored despite the fact that they’re at a nightclub. Almost like he can feel Simon staring, he looks over and their eyes meet. Simon can’t help his reaction. His heart begins to race and his palms sweat. The man is just so sexy, no one else in the room can even compare. 

Suddenly the room goes blurry as someone snatches his glasses away. Simon squints over at Jace who’s got the biggest grin on his face. “Come on. We’re going dancing!”

“But I can’t see!”

“Then come get your glasses on the dance floor, Lewis!”

Jace takes off towards the stairs. Simon tries to lunge for him, only to trip over the table  _ right in front of him _ because again, Simon can’t fucking see without his glasses! He holds his hands out in order to catch himself but to his shock, he doesn’t hit the floor. No. Instead, two strong arms are there, catching him. He grips them tight, trying to catch his balance again. 

When he finally has his barings, Simon straightens up only to look down into the blurry face of Mr. Dark and Handsome. His cheeks brighten so hot Simon worries his face is literally going to melt. He tries giving this guy his best smile before blurting out, “I can’t see without my glasses! I’m so sorry. I’m such a klutzy dork.”

The guy looks shocked for a moment, his hands tightening where they hold Simon. Then he murmurs something that makes everything inside Simon jolt because he  _ knows _ those words. He’s had these words memorized since he started reading because they’re on his body. “You’re a klutzy dork,” the guy says, his voice sounding like rich whiskey to Simon’s ears. “But I guess you’re also my soulmate.”


	2. Chapter 2

They both stare at each other with wide eyes. “I should-” Simon starts but stops himself. He swallows, slowly pulling his hands away, only just now realizing he’s still practically clinging to the man in front of him. “I’m Simon,” he finally goes with. 

The man’s lips barely move yet somehow Simon can tell he’s pleased. “Raphael.”

God, even his name is sexy. How is that even possible?

“I should go find my glasses.”

Raphael raises his brow. “But you can’t see.”

Simon groans. “Right. That asshole. He’s probably laughing it up on the dance floor right now.”

“We could join him on the dance floor? I’ll lead you out there so you can get your glasses back.”

Warmth floods Simon’s chest. “I’d like that,” he murmurs, a smile across his lips. 

Raphael offers his arm and Simon gladly takes it. He feels like he’s been blasted to the past as the gentlemanly gesture. Raphael suddenly raises his other arm and if Simon didn’t know any better he’d think he was giving his friend the finger. But that can’t be right. Simon shakes his head, letting Raphael lead him through the crowd of people over to the dancefloor. 

They’re in the mass of writhing people when Raphael stops. A face pops up right in front of him, making Simon jump back. He scowls as Jace laughs at him. Again. 

“You’re an asshole,” Simon yells over the music. 

“You’re the one insisting that I’m your best friend!”

“I take it all back. You’re dead to me!”

“Fine,” Jace says, taking Simon’s glasses off of his own face and placing them onto Simon’s. “That means you’re not playing this Friday.”

Simon groans. Open mic is his happy place and there’s no way Jace is taking that away. “Fine. You’re my asshole best friend forever and ever. Love you so much. Now go away,” he adds, shoving Jace’s face, laughing when Jace tries to lick him. 

“How old are you?” Raphael asks, his voice sounding close to disgust. Or apprehensive. 

“I’m 23. How old are you?”

“Old enough.”

Raphael shakes his head, his brows wrinkling. “This is a bad idea,” he murmurs and Simon’s stomach sinks. 

“Just wait,” Simon says, gripping Raphael’s wrist when the other man turns to walk away. Raphael’s skin is cold against his skin and it makes his arm break out in goosebumps. 

Raphael freezes, his eyes staring down where they’re touching before looking up at Simon. His eyes seem to bore into Simon’s, silently searching for something. 

“Raphael,” Simon starts, stepping into Raphael’s space. “We’re soulmates.” Raphael still doesn’t say anything, his face looking pained as he stares at Simon’s face. “Just. Just dance with me? Please?”

Finally Raphael seems to unfreeze. He nods his head, stepping into Simon’s space. Simon gives Raphael a wide smile, his stomach fluttering. Simon reaches out, placing his hands on Raphael’s shoulders as he sways to the music. 

Raphael’s hands find their way to Simon’s hips and Simon has to bite his bottom lip so as not to whimper at the feel of his soulmate’s hand on his body. The music slows to something they can properly sway to, a love song playing. Simon watches as Raphael glares over at the DJ stand and Simon lets out an amused huff when Raphael’s friend waves at them from up there. 

“So,” Simon says, leaning more into Raphael’s space. “What about this is such a bad idea? From where I’m standing, this feels right.”

Raphael huffs. “When is anything that simple?”

“You know what they say. ‘Nothing worth having comes easy’,” Simon says, smiling at Raphael. “Sure, it might be cliche but in our case I think it applies.”

Raphael stares at him for a moment, really looking over Simon’s face, taking him in. Finally he says, “I have issues and secrets. Simon, I have baggage. I don’t wanna burden you.”

“I’ve never met a person without baggage.”

Raphael shakes his head. “You’ve no idea what comes along with knowing me.”

“That’s the thing about soulmates. We’re literally made to help carry each other’s burdens.”

“You’re not gonna take no for an answer, are you?”

Simon smiles and watches as Raphael’s lips barely twitch. If Simon would have blinked he would have missed it. But he saw it and it makes his heart skip a beat. “Nope.” Then Simon turns serious. He runs his hands over Raphael’s shoulders before placing one gently on the back of his neck. “I’m serious about this. We can take things slow. We can start off as friends, if that’s easier for you. I’ve been dreaming of the day I’d find you since I was a little boy and now that it’s finally here, I think we both deserve a chance to see where this goes.”

Raphael’s hand tighten around his waist for a moment before relaxing again. “Fine,” he finally says with a roll of his eyes. 

Simon does a celebratory fist pump that makes Raphael’s lips twitch again. Simon will take the small victories. “Come see me play Friday night at Java Jace,” Simon says gently. 

Raphael nods. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Awesome.”

Raphael looks over Simon’s shoulder at something before tensing. He looks up at Simon and says, “I’m sorry but I have to go now.”

“Okay,” Simon says, trying to hide his disappointment. 

Raphael starts walking but at the last minute he stops and takes Simon’s hand in his own. He brings it up to his lips, kissing Simon’s knuckles. “It was a pleasure meeting you tonight, Simon.”

Simon’s so taken back that for once in his life, he’s completely speechless which Raphael smirks at. Simon lifts his hand, waving as Raphael makes his way through the crowd. 

“Holy shit,” Clary says, practically jumping on his back. “Tell. Me. Everything!”

Which is how they spend the rest of their night, dancing and talking about Simon’s soulmate. 


	3. Chapter 3

Simon unwinds his cord, sticking one end into the amp and placing the other near his guitar. He’s already tuned it, making sure it’s perfect before it’s his turn to get on stage. He readjusts the mic stand, weaving the mic cord around the stand. 

Simon bites his bottom lip as he places the mic at the right height before looking over the coffee shop. He tries to hide his disappointment when he doesn’t find Raphael. He bangs his forehead against the mic, the boom sounding through the coffee shop but he doesn’t care right now. 

“Why are you panicking?” a deep voice says beside him and Simon flails. He has to steady the mic before it goes flying. 

Simon turns, finding Raphael standing there, an amused smirk on his lips. “I’m not panicking!” Simon says, his voice sounding panicked to his own ears. He finishes putting his stuff together before turning fully towards Raphael. 

“I wasn’t sure if you’d show up or not,” he admits. 

“I said I would,” Raphael says. 

“I know,” Simon says, looking down at the ground. “I just thought maybe you’d changed your mind. Decided this wasn’t worth your time or whatever.”

Raphael’s hand touches his forearm, his skin cool against Simon’s. He lets out a huff before saying, “Magnus says I was hasty in saying that. I’m sorry.”

Simon decides to push his luck. His hand touches Raphael’s, taking it from his forearm and holding it between his hands. He runs his thumb over Raphael’s knuckles. “I get it,” Simon says quietly. “I’m a lot to get used to. Jace always tells me how I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut and that it scares most people away.”

“Jace is an idiot,” Raphael says, his voice taking on a bit of a growl that has Simon’s cheeks heating up. “And if I can handle Magnus, I’m more than capable of handling you.”

Simon smiles. “Magnus was your friend at the club?”

Raphael rolls his eyes but they also take on a fond look to them. “Yeah.” 

“Yo, Simon,” Jace calls as he steps up to their little corner. “You ready?”

“Yeah,” he says with a nod. He squeezes Raphael’s hand before letting go. “Stick around?”

“Sure.”

“Look at you,” Jace teases under his breath. “I figured he’d ditched you for good, Lewis.”

Raphael looks over his shoulder, glaring at Jace. It’s almost like he could hear what Jace said but that’s impossible over the noise of the coffee shop. Simon shakes his head before turning back to Jace. 

“He’s my soulmate, asshole. He’s not just gonna ditch me without getting to know my sparkling personality.”

Jace rolls his eyes. “Yeah, whatever. It’s not like you two are really adorable together or anything.”

“Holy shit,” Simon breathes, “are you jealous?”

Jace picks up the mic, shoving Simon’s face away. “Welcome everybody! For open mic tonight we have a very special performance ahead of us from the very talented Simon Lewis! Let’s give him a round of applause.”

Everyone claps as Simon plugs in his guitar. Tonight he’s going without his soundboard and keyboard, just his voice and guitar. 

“Hi, everybody. As Jace said, my name’s Simon and I’ll be performing a few originals for you tonight. I hope you enjoy.”

Then Simon sits himself on the stool. With one foot on the floor and one on the chair, he begins to strum the chords for his first song. He closes his eyes, letting the music wash over him. This is his happy place and peace thrums through his veins. All the stresses of this week have all faded away and all that’s left is the music. 

His lips touch the mic as he begins to sing. His voice rings out, soft and steady as he starts the first verse. When he finally opens his eyes, he looks through the crowd, smiling as he watches people sway to the music. Simon watches as Clary closes her eyes, mouthing along to the words as he sings them. 

Simon’s chest feels so full, forever in awe that people enjoy his songs, enjoy his performances. His eyes continue to move through the crowd until they land on Raphael. He’s standing in the very back, leaning against the wall. Their eyes meet and Raphael smiles. Not a lip twitch, not a smirk, a full on, showing his teeth smile. Fuck. Simon’s lucky he knows this song forwards and backwards or his fingers would have missed a chord. The sight before him is beautiful. It makes his stomach flutter and his heart beat faster. He knows his cheeks are flushing but all he can do is smile back as he continues to sing. 

He puts his entire heart and soul into his performance because now he’s not just performing for Jace’s patrons, he’s performing for his soulmate. Simon wants Raphael to know what this means to him, that he would show up for Simon. He uses his music to share a piece of himself in a way he couldn’t otherwise. As he plays the final chords of his last song, his eyes find Raphael again. 

“Thanks everybody for sticking around and listening,” he says into the mic as the crowd cheers for him once more. 

Jace gets takes the mic, introducing the next musician but Simon doesn’t even notice. He puts his guitar in its case before picking it up and going to find Raphael. He’s still in the back, looking so mysterious and sexy. He’s in another suit that fits him like a glove and Simon wonders what he does that he always looks so nice. 

“Hey,” he says shyly. 

“Hey,” Raphael says back. “That was great. You have a beautiful voice.”

He’s heard the same thing from so many people yet somehow, from Raphael, it feels different. He adjusts his glasses, his face breaking out into a wide smile. “Thank you.” He runs his fingers through his hair. “Wanna come with me to put my guitar away?”

Raphael nods, gesturing for Simon to lead the way. They walk out to the parking lot in the back of Java Jace and Simon opens the door to his van. “You do not drive this,” Raphael murmurs, staring at Simon’s van like it personally killed his puppy. 

“She’s mine and I won’t have you disrespecting her.”

Raphael stares at him for a moment before shaking his head. “Yeah. Maybe this whole soulmate thing isn’t gonna work out after all.”

Simon shoves his chest playfully. If he notices how well defined Raphael’s chest is, well that’s just for him to know. “No joking like that. Jace keeps teasing me that you’re gonna be hitting the road any day.”

“Jace is a jerk to you. Why are you friends again?”

Simon shrugs. “We just sorta work as friends. We both tease each other mercilessly but when push comes to shove, we’d have each other’s backs.”

Simon sits on the floor of his van, his feet on the pavement. He pats the spot next to him and Raphael sits down as well. They sit there in silence for a bit, just watching as people walk by. It’s peaceful and comfortable in a way that Simon’s not used to. Usually, he gets nervous and talks and talks and talks but right now, the silence feels nice. 

“So,” Raphael sighs.

“So.”

“Magnus said I should talk to you.”

“Magnus sounds pretty smart,” Simon says with a small smile. 

Surprisingly, Raphael returns it. “Don’t tell him that. It’ll go to his head.”

Simon nudges Raphael. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

Raphael nods before continuing. “He said that because we’re soulmates, we’re probably more alike than I originally suspected. That maybe you’re like me.”

Simon waits for Raphael to continue but he doesn’t. Simon reaches over, taking Raphael’s cool hand in his own, lacing their fingers together. “Well, you’ll never know unless you tell me.”

“Right,” Raphael says, his voice sounding more nervous that Simon’s heard before. “It’s about my sexuality.”

Simon squeezes Raphael’s hand. “I can go first if you’d like.” When he nods, Simon goes on. “I’m pan. I like to say I’m attracted to hearts not parts,” he explains with a laugh. 

When Simon looks over, Raphael it biting his bottom lip, somehow looking even more nervous than before. “Hey. Are you not attracted to men? Like, is this somehow a platonic soulmate mark? I’ve heard of it before but I’ve never met anyone with one before in real life. If that’s what you’re so worried about you can just tell me. You’re not hurting my feelings or anything. Well, I mean, sure I’ll be disappointed but it’s better if you tell me now than later. I already feel like I could very easily fall in love with you and I’d like to know whether or not I should try to keep those feelings on the down low right now instead of later.”

“Simon!” Raphael yells, putting his palm over Simon’s lips so he can’t keep rambling. “Jesus,” he murmurs, staring with wide eyes. 

“Sorry,” Simon mumbles behind Raphael’s hand. 

“It’s not that. We’re still soulmates and I don’t think we’re platonic because I have feelings for you. Even though you’re obviously a dork.” Simon snorts and rolls his eyes. “But I’m ace.”

Slowly, Raphael removes his hand. Simon tilts his head. “What does that mean?”

“It means I don’t feel sexual attraction.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Raphael says, looking away. 

“Okay,” Simon finally says. 

“Okay?”

“Yeah. What else is there to say? Sure I enjoy sex but it’s not something I need. I do need my soulmate though.”

“You say that now,” Raphael says, his eyes shining with hurt and uncertainty.

“I won’t change my mind. We’ve only just met but the thought of losing you makes my chest hurt.”

Raphael’s hand tightens in his own. “I feel the same.”

“Good. I think, for now, that’s what matters. As long as we remember that we wanna make this work, we can work out the details as they come.”

“That’s,” Raphael pauses, “oddly mature of you.”

Simon elbows him in the ribs. “I have my moments.”

“I can’t wait to see more of them.”


	4. Chapter 4

Simon knocks on the door, his stomach in nervous knots. Clary, Jace, and Alec all talk quietly as they wait for the door to open. When it does, Simon takes a step back, his heart jumping as he wonders if he got the wrong address. 

“Ah,” the man says and that’s when Simon recognizes him as Magnus, Raphael’s friend. “You must be Sherman.”

Alec snorts in amusement as Simon’s cheeks heat up. “Simon.”

“Mhmm,” the man hums, his eyes looking everyone over. They linger on Alec before he opens the door further, letting everyone inside. 

“So,” Magnus says, putting his arm around Simon’s shoulders. “You’re the one who’s been gifted my sweet boy as a soulmate.”

“Yep,” Simon says nervously. “That’s me. Is he here?”

“Oh, he’s around here somewhere,” Magnus says, waving his hand around. “Before we go find him I’d just like to let you know that if you ever hurt him or pressure him into something he doesn’t want.” He pauses, tapping his lips. “Let’s just say they’ll never find your body, Sean.”

Simon nods his head. Why the fuck is he getting overproctive dad vibes right now from Raphael’s friend? He just goes along with it. “I’d never hurt him. Not on purpose.” Then he adds, “and it’s Simon.”

“I’m glad we understand each other.”

Just then, Raphael comes out of the kitchen, giving Magnus a death glare. “For fuck’s sake, Magnus,” he murmurs. 

“Just making sure your soulmate knows what he’s getting into,” Magnus says with a shrug.

“You’re gonna scare him away.”

“If your brooding brows haven’t done that yet, then I think you’re fine,” Mangus jokes with a fond smile. 

Simon lets out an amused snort but takes Raphael’s hand, letting him know he’s teasing. Jace jokes, “nice burn.”

Alec looks at Magnus with a smile, which in itself is kinda heartstopping because Alec rarely smiles for anyone. He murmurs, “well done.”

Magnus laughs and says, “I’d say medium rare.”

Clary giggles but Jace freezes before turning to a shocked Alec. “Dude!”

Raphael stares at Magnus with his mouth open. “Who’d have thought we’d both find our soulmates this decade,” he whispers before Magnus is moving. 

He gets into Alec’s space, placing his hands against Alec’s chest. “Well, darling. It looks like we’ve finally found each other.”

Alec smiles down at Magnus, his face so bright and open and happy. “Yeah,” he murmurs. 

They walk into the living room, finding a couch to sit at and talk, getting to know each other. 

Clary grabs Simon’s arm. “Why’s everyone finding their soulmate but me,” she whines. 

“Probably because you’re small and annoying,” Raphael says. 

“That’s what I said!” Alec calls from his place on the couch, making everyone laugh. 

“Hey!” Clary yells, releasing me and heading over towards Alec. 

Raphael puts their palms together, entwining their fingers before pulling Simon over to the kitchen. “Do you want something to drink?”

“Sure,” Simon says, looking around the spacious kitchen. “What does Magnus do? He’s gotta be loaded to live in a place like this.”

Raphael snorts. “He owns Pandemonium. Along with other things.”

“Jeez. Way to make a guy feel like a slacker,” Simon murmurs to himself, taking the glass of wine that Raphael hands him. 

“Why? What do you do?”

Simon follows Raphael through a hallway before stepping out onto a balcony. The air is cool and comfortable, the sounds of Brooklyn familiar. “I’m a student but I also perform whenever I can.”

“What are you going to school for?”

“I’m studying accounting,” Simon says, wrinkling his nose. “It’s not my first choice but my mom talked me into it.”

“If you could do anything you wanted, what would you do instead?”

Simon sits down on the little outdoor sofa Magnus has out here. He takes a sip of his wine, thinking. No one’s ever asked him that before. “Clary and I are writing a graphic novel together. It’s just for fun, but I wouldn’t mind being able to focus all my attention on that. Plus my music.” Raphael nods, sipping from a silly straw. “What are you drinking? And what’s up with the straw?”

“Magnus,” Raphael answers with a roll of his eyes. “And uh, bloody mary.” Simon makes a face that makes Raphael laugh. “It’s definitely not for everyone.”

Simon looks up, only just noticing the cute little fairy lights strung across the balcony. If he pretended, he could imagine being able to see the stars. It makes him smile. 

Raphael sits down beside Simon, putting his bloody mary on the side table. The alcohol has Simon feeling at ease, some of his nerves falling away. It makes him lean against Raphael and to his surprise, Raphael wraps his arm around Simon’s shoulders. 

Simon sighs. “This is nice.”

“Yeah,” Raphael says back. “It really is.”

“Don’t sound so surprised.”

Raphael shrugs and it jostles Simon. He only snuggles closer, his right arm wrapping around Raphael’s middle. Raphael’s hand starts rubbing a pattern against his shoulder. It’s nice. He could almost fall asleep out here like this, wrapped up in his soulmate. But there’s something important on Simon’s mind. 

“I’ve been doing some research,” Simon starts. Raphael sighs, this time sounding annoyed. “I just- Well, I have some questions. If that’s okay?”

“Of course, Simon.”

“Okay.” Simon swallows around the lump in his throat. “Can I safely say snuggles are okay?”

“Umm, yeah. Gentle touches like this and hugs are fine. I enjoy them.”

“And if they were ever to turn uncomfortable, you’d tell me, right? You wouldn’t just suffer in silence?”

“No. I’ll tell you. I promise.”

“Okay. Awesome.”

Raphael brings his other hand up to Simon’s face. He gently touches Simon’s cheekbone and Simon leans into the touch. “Because I know this question is coming, yes, you can kiss me.”

“I can?” Simon asks anyway, surprise filling his belly. “Are you sure? You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“Simon.” Raphael’s voice is soft and Simon opens his eyes, not even realizing he’d closed them. Now their faces are so close, their lips just inches from each other. “I want to. I want a lot of things with you.”

Simon smiles before ever so slowly moving forward. Simon holds his breath, not wanting to ruin this precious moment. Finally, after what feels like forever, their lips connect. Raphael’s lips are soft against his own and just like the rest of him, are cool against Simon’s. Simon feels like he’s waking up from a dream, or coming to life. Like his entire life was leading up to this moment. It feels precious and important and absolutely perfect. 

He starts to lean back, to break the kiss, but Raphael’s lips chase him. His hand comes up to the back of Simon’s neck, pulling him back down until they’re kissing again. This time, Raphael just barely opens his lips until Simon’s bottom lip is snug between Raphael’s. He’s never had a kiss affect him like this before and it makes him feel so good. 

Simon’s right hand cups Raphael’s cheek, holding him like the precious thing that he is. Simon tries to pour out all his hopes into the kiss, make Raphael feel what Simon’s feeling. 

The first touch of Raphael’s tongue has Simon’s body breaking out in goosebumps. He lets out a startled gasp which Raphael uses as an opportunity to plunge his tongue into Simon’s mouth. Their tongues slide against each other and despite how much Simon tries to control his reactions, he can’t stop his cock from hardening. 

Simon whimpers when Raphael bites his bottom lip. He nips so hard that Simon tastes the copper of his own blood on his tongue and suddenly, he’s being shoved back. Raphael stands up, turning his back to Simon, pacing back and forth. 

“Fuck,” Simon hisses, running his fingers through his hair and adjusting his glasses. “I’m sorry if that was too much.”

“No. It’s not that. You were fine, Simon. Perfect even.”

Simon stands up. “Then what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Raphael takes a few more deep breaths before turning back around. His eyes are dark with what Simon can only call hunger. But instead of filling him with equal want, it causes the hair on the back of his neck to stand on end. 

“Raphael?”

Raphael takes a step forward. He pulls a handkerchief from his pocket, using it to dab at Simon’s bottom lip. “There. All better,” he murmurs, tucking it back into his pocket. He leans forward, gently kissing Simon’s cheek before saying, “we should head back inside. Magnus will be wondering where we are.”

“Yeah. Okay,” Simon whispers, following Raphael inside wondering what the hell just happened.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just stopping by to leave an extra chapter this week! <3 Enjoy! ;D

Simon stares down at his phone with a giant grin on his face as he walks, his chest doing something funny as he rereads the text he’d just gotten from Raphael. The guy might have murder brows but he’s sassy and funny without meaning to be. 

Simon almost runs right into the large chest stood in his way, two hands grabbing his shoulders to stop him. He looks up confused to find Alec. Great, more murder brows. 

“Hey, Alec,” he says, wondering why the hell Alec’s at the college campus. 

“Simon,” Alec says with a nod, looking oddly uncomfortable and Simon realizes they’ve never spent time together just the two of them before. 

“Are you lost or something?”

“What?” Alec’s brows furrow as he looks down at Simon. It makes him nervous being under that serious stare and he adjusts his glasses just to do something with his hands. “Look,” Alec finally says, “is there somewhere we can sit down and talk?”

“Yeah, sure.”

He leads Alec to a secluded bench before turning and gesturing for him to go ahead. 

“Okay. I just,” Alec starts but stops. He rubs his thumb nervously over his hand as he thinks of the right words. “I thought we should talk. Since we both found our soulmates and they’re uh, you know?”

Simon turns his body towards Alec, trying to figure out what the fuck he’s talking about. Before he can question it, Alec keeps talking. 

“Don’t get me wrong. Magnus is amazing,” Alec says, his lips actually ticking up into a tiny smile. “But I never thought all of this was going on in the world. That there were like, supernatural creatures or whatever just roaming the earth without us knowing.” Alec shakes his head. “I wanted to keep it to myself but Magnus convinced me it might be nice for us to talk since we both  _ know _ now.”

Simon’s heart picks up, his palms beginning to sweat. He takes off his glasses, rubbing his eyes before putting them back on his face. His mouth is dropped open in shock and Alec must not even notice because he just keeps on plowing forward. 

“I knew Magnus was special the moment I laid eyes on him but fuck,” Alec says, running his fingers through his hair. “For him to be a fucking warlock. I didn’t believe him at first but then he sparked his magic and it was intense and crazy and amazing.”

Finally, Alec stops talking and looks over at Simon. His smile quickly drops from his face as he leans forward. “Uh, are you okay?”

Simon stares at him for a long moment before he finally cracks. He lets out a chuckle because that’s apparently the only thing he’s capable at the moment. “Hah. Good one, Alec.”

Alec sits back, his body going still. “It’s not a joke, Simon.”

“It has to be because there’s no such thing as fucking  _ warlocks _ .”

“Fuck,” Alec hisses out. “I shouldn’t have said anything. Fuck, fuck. Just uh, maybe talk to Raphael?”

“Alec,” Simon says, his voice frantic as he grips Alec shirt sleeve, stopping him from standing up. “What the fuck, man.” His voice breaks but he pushes on. “What do you mean supernatural? Is Raphael like a werewolf or something? Is he planning on eating me? Should I be worried? Because even if he  _ is _ a werewolf I think I’d still like to stay with him. I’ve only known him a short time but I’m already crazy about him. And, oh my god, he keeps telling me he has baggage and I just thought that was the ace thing but what if there’s more. Oh god. What am I gonna do? What if he doesn’t want me because I’m just a stupid human who never stops talking? What if-”

“Simon!”

Simon’s mouth shuts so fast his teeth click. He stares at Alec with wide eyes. “Yeah?”

“Talk to Raphael.”

Simon takes a deep breath before slowly nodding his head. “Yeah. I can do that.” He looks at Alec with a grimace. “What could go wrong?”

~~~

“Hey,” Simon greets, opening the door to the boat house wider and allowing Raphael inside. Raphael wrinkles his nose like he’s smelling something really unpleasant. Simon takes that look away by placing a gentle kiss to Raphael’s nose. 

“You said there was something you wanted to talk about?”

“Umm, yeah,” Simon says, gesturing for Raphael to follow. His soulmate is dressed in a suit that fits him like a glove per usual and the sight of him makes Simon’s heart speed up. 

Raphael looks around, his eye brows raising. “Why do you live in a boat house?”

Simon shrugs, rubbing the back of his neck. “I just needed to get out of the house. Luke lets me live here for free since he’s Clary’s step dad.” He points at the corner of the room where there’s a partition, hiding his actual living space away. “I’m closer to campus here and it makes me feel like I have more freedom. The Jade Wolf is right outside so Chinese whenever I want it. I know it’s not much and someone like you probably thinks it’s really fucking lame but it’s actually-”

Raphael places his hand over Simon’s mouth, forcing his words to stop. He freezes, his eyes staring at Raphael. “ _ Dios _ , Simon,” he murmurs. 

“Sorry. Nervous habit.”

“Why are you nervous,  _ cari _ _ ñ _ _ o _ ?” 

Simon groans as he walks over to his living space, throwing himself belly first onto his bed. He buries his face against his pillow, not caring that his glasses flew off somewhere along the way. 

“Simon,” Raphael whispers, sitting on the edge of the bed. Simon slowly sits up, squinting at a blurry Raphael. 

Simon shivers as Raphael gently touches his cheek, running his thumb over his cheekbone before placing his glasses on his face. Simon readjusts himself until he has his legs folded under himself. Raphael guides his face forward until their lips meet in a gentle kiss. 

“I don’t know why I got so stuck in my head. Alec came to see me at school today and he was talking about all this super weird stuff and.” Simon pauses, shaking his head with a huff. “I don’t know. I just got really freaked out. He told me I needed to talk to you about it.”

Somehow, Raphael’s face goes paler than it’s usual color. “And what did he say?” he asks slowly. 

Simon shrugs. “All sorts of stuff.” Simon adjusts his glasses. “He kept telling me we should talk about our soulmates because we both know the truth now? And he kept saying how magical Magnus was.”

Raphael pulls back and Simon tries to hide the hurt he suddenly feels. “I’m afraid to tell you the truth,” Raphael whispers. 

“What? So it’s true? You’re uh, I don’t know? Like some werewolf?”

Raphael freezes before his lips tick up slightly. “No. But you do live across the street from a pack of them. No wonder you always smell like wet dog,” he says with a shake of his head. 

“What?”

“Yeah. Luke’s pack is based out of the Jace Wolf.”

Simon feels his hands shaking. “Luke’s a werewolf?”

“Yes,  _ cari _ _ ñ _ _ o,”  _ Raphael whispers, his face looking worried as Simon stands up and begins to pace. “Please calm down.”

“Calm down? I’m learning some really serious shit right now! I deserve a small mental break, alright!”

Simon paces, his nerves all feeling frayed and exposed. His heart is racing inside his chest and his muscles all feel extra twitchy. In his panic, it really shouldn’t surprise him that he flails a little too hard. Simon trips, catching himself before he can fall flat on his face. 

It does surprise him how fast Raphael is there helping him up. On his way down, Simon hit his elbow on his open dresser drawer, cutting the skin by his elbow wide open. 

“Fuck,” he hisses, seeing the blood drip down his forearm towards his wrist. The grip around his other arm tightens almost painfully and when Simon looks up, his breath is stolen from him. 

“Oh,” he whispers, staring at Raphael who’s trying desperately to keep control of himself, his eyes glued to where Simon is bleeding, his fangs clear for Simon to see. “You’re a vampire.”


	6. Chapter 6

The words are out of Simon’s mouth and suddenly things start to click into place. Raphael being able to hear things that Simon can’t, Raphael never eating, the ‘bloody mary’ joke, and then of course his reaction to Simon’s bleeding lip. The air is stilted around them as everything sinks in. 

Suddenly, Raphael is a blur, stepping away from Simon at superhuman speed. Raphael covers his mouth with his hand, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. When his hand falls back down, his fangs are no longer present. 

“Simon,” he whispers, sounding so fucking broken and Simon can’t take it. He never wants to be the reason Raphael sounds like that. 

“Hey,” Simon says, raising his hand like he would a panicked animal. “It’s, uh. Raphael, it’s okay.”

“It’s okay? None of this is okay!” Simon takes a step forward and Raphael freezes. “Don’t.”

“Raphael.”

“No. You don’t get it. I’m a,” he pauses, his face looking shattered. “I’m a monster, Simon.”

This time, Simon doesn’t let Raphael stop him. He gets right into Raphael’s space, his hands on either side of his face. “You are not a monster.”

“You don’t know,” Raphael whispers. 

“I know my soulmate. I know you. Do you think you could ever hurt me on purpose?”

Raphael shakes his head. “But,” he starts but Simon cuts him off with a kiss. 

When he pulls back, he looks right into Raphael’s dark eyes. “I trust you, Raphael.”

“You shouldn’t,” Raphael says, his voice hardening. He opens his mouth with a hiss, his fangs showing. Simon doesn’t even flinch, just staring at them with wide eyes. 

Simon’s stomach clenches, knowing this is Raphael’s way of pushing him away, but he won’t let him. Simon’s here for the long haul if he has any say in the matter. His fingers tremble as he moves it over from Raphael’s cheek to his mouth. He gently touches the fang closest to his right hand, watching as Raphael’s eyes widen in surprise. As he takes his finger away, he replaces it with him lips, kissing Raphael gently before pushing his tongue into Raphael’s mouth. He licks across each fang, showing Raphael how unafraid he is, how much he accepts this part of his soulmate. 

This time when Simon looks at Raphael, he finds his features smoothed out in disbelief. “I’m not going anywhere,” Simon whispers, taking Raphael’s hand and guiding him towards Simon’s bed. 

“What are you doing?”

Simon smiles as he slowly unbuttons Raphael’s dress shirt after pulling his jacket off. “I’m getting you more comfortable so we can snuggle. Is that okay?”

Raphael nods and Simon continues his work until they’re both down to their tshirts and boxers. He pulls the comforter back before crawling in, opening his arms for Raphael to join him. Raphael stares at him a moment, his expression unreadable, before he slowly gets into the bed with Simon. 

“There we go,” Simon whispers as Raphael lays his head against Simon’s chest, Simon’s arms holding him tight. His hand runs up and down Raphael’s back as they sit in silence, just holding each other. 

“Do you have any questions?”

Simon swallows. “Are there any more secrets?”

“No,” Raphael answers. “I wanted to keep you safe, Simon. Knowing about us, knowing about the Supernatural gets people hurt. Or dead.”

Simon’s arms tighten and he kisses Raphael’s forehead. “Well,” he says gently. “I have a big strong vampire soulmate to keep me safe.”

Raphael snorts but his lips tick up slightly. “I’m the clan leader, too.”

“Oh. So you’re some sort of hotshot vampire. Even better.”

Raphael’s hand begins rubbing random patterns into Simon’s chest and the movement is comforting, filling Simon with warmth. 

“Do you,” Simon pauses. “Ya know, drink blood?”

“Yes.”

“From people?”

“I drink from blood bags.”

“Do you ever drink like from someone? Like bite them?”

Raphael has to be able to hear Simon’s heart beating quicker. 

“I have,” Raphael says slowly. 

Before he can think better of it, Simon keeps going. “What’s it like?”

Raphael’s hand bunches up the front of Simon’s shirt, his knuckles clenching. “Intimate. Addictive. Delicious.”

“But you could stop? Right?”

Raphael finally sits up on his elbow, looking down at Simon. “Why are you asking this, Simon?”

Simon looks right back, meeting Raphael’s eyes. “I think you know why.”

Raphael takes Simon’s arm, the one he hit on the dresser drawer. He slowly raises it until his bloody elbow is right by his mouth. Keeping eye contact with Simon, he sticks his tongue out, slowly licking from Simon’s wrist to his elbow. Fuck. Simon wonders if it should be this fucking erotic to sit and watch. His skin breaks out in goosebumps, his body shuddering at the feel of Raphael’s cold hands, so fucking different from his hot tongue. 

Raphael takes his time, gently licking away all of the stray blood, being careful to keep his fangs from ever touching Simon’s skin. He closes his eyes in bliss and Simon wonders if his blood really tastes good enough to put that look on Raphael’s face. 

Simon lets out a tiny whimper as Raphael grazes his fangs over Simon’s wrists. He wants it. He wants it so fucking bad. His heart speeds up and his dick twitches. What would it feel like for those sharp fangs to penetrate him, for Raphael to feed on his blood. Raphael described it as intimate and Simon wants that, wants the intimacy between them. But he doesn’t bite. He lays a gentle press of his lips against the tender skin before slowly putting Simon’s hand down. 

Simon grips the back of Raphael’s neck, pulling him down into a fierce kiss. He licks into Raphael’s mouth, groaning at the metallic taste he finds. His cock is rock hard but he ignores it, pouring out his feelings for Raphael into this kiss. 

“Someday,” Simon breathes when they pull away. “Someday I want you to bite me, Raphael.”

Raphael kisses Simon’s lips one more time before snuggling up to Simon’s side once more. “Maybe someday,” he whispers. 


	7. Chapter 7

Simon leans on the counter, sipping his sugary coffee as Jace wipes down one of his coffee machines. His thoughts drift back to his soulmate, as they so often do now that they’ve met. He thinks about what it was like to wake up with Raphael in his arms, his cool skin the perfect temperature when they’re snuggled together under the blankets. His stomach swoops remembering how perfectly they fit. 

Raphael’s only slept over a few times and everytime they wake up tangled together. Simon’s grateful the boathouse has a bathroom but he’s also overcome with embarrassment about how often he wakes up like that and immediately has to excuse himself to the bathroom to take care of his morning wood. He’s positive Raphael hears him but he never teases him, never even brings it up. Simon’s not sure why, but he’s always disappointed when Raphael doesn’t tease him about it since he’s usually there to tease him about everything else. 

Fuck, with his luck, he’s making Raphael uncomfortable by doing that. Internally, Simon groans. Except it’s not really internally because Jace is there, shoving him away from the counter. 

“Quit groaning like that,” Jace hisses. “You’ll scare my customers away.”

Simon looks around. “What customers? You’re in between rushes.”

Jace rolls his eyes. “Have you even been listening, dude? I’ve been pouring my heart out here.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Simon says, picking up his coffee and giving Jace his full attention. “You were telling me about your broken heart? Or something?”

“Dude,” Jace whines. “Take this seriously!”

“I am! Tell me again.”

Jace’s cheeks pink slightly and it makes Simon pause and really listen. “It’s Clary,” Jace whispers. “I really like her.”

“But you’re not soulmates?”

“I guess not,” Jace says with a shrug. 

“What were your first words to her?”

That pink blush darkens even further as he says, “What can I get you, beautiful?”

Simon freezes. He takes out his phone, sending Clary a text. He points at Jace, letting him know to wait a second as he gets a text back. Ah, just as he thought. 

“You’re both idiots,” he murmurs. 

“Why am I an idiot?” Jace demands, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Because,” Simon says, shaking his head. “Clary told  _ me _ that she thought you were her soulmate because you said her words. But when she replied, you didn’t react.”

“I- wait-  _ what _ ?”

“What words do you have?”

Jace’s mouth opens and closes a few times before he answers. “So many things come to mind.”

Simon face palms. “That’s what she said to you!”

“No, it’s not!”

“Then what did she say?”

Jace looks thoughtful for a moment before saying, “uh, sorry. Just a vanilla latte.”

“Yeah, because you didn’t react to her come on and she ordered like a normal person!” Simon shakes his head. “How did you miss the first part?”

“Oh my god,” Jace hisses. “She murmured something under her breath. It must have been my words. And we’ve been hanging out this whole time without knowing.” Jace starts taking off his apron. 

“Where are you going?” 

“To tell her, obviously.”

Just then, Clary walks through the front door, smiling so wide it brightens up the entire room. Her eyes meet Jace’s and they both freeze before they’re running towards each other, hugging and holding each other. Simon smiles as he sips his coffee, happy he could help bring his friends together. 

“You’re a real modern matchmaker,” Raphael says right behind him and Simon yelps as he turns around. 

He slaps Raphael’s chest. “Don’t fucking scare me like that!”

Raphael smiles, his perfect white teeth on display and Simon’s mind is suddenly conjuring up imagines of Raphael’s fangs without his permission. He shakes his head as he steps forward, bringing his arms around his soulmate. 

“Hi,” he whispers. 

“Hi,” Raphael whispers back, kissing Simon’s cheek. 

“Wait a minute,” Simon whispers, looking out the window because yes, it’s the middle of the day. “I thought vampires couldn’t go outside.”

Raphael shrugs, his fingers playing with Simon’s. “I’m a bit special.”

“You’re more than a bit special to me but continue,” Simon says, loving how Raphael rolls his eyes but the little tick of his lips tells Simon he loves it. 

“I’m a Daylighter. I can walk in the sun.”

“Every time I think you can’t get any cooler you surprise me even further.”

Raphael tugs Simon forward, touching their lips together gently. It makes Simon’s belly flood with butterflies, his chest filling with fondness. He’ll never get used to having this. 

“I was thinking I could come over tonight,” Raphael murmurs against his lips. He pulls back, giving Simon a look and if Simon didn’t know any better, he’d think Raphael looks nervous. 

“Of course,” Simon says, trying to take away that wrinkle above Raphael’s eyes. “You’re always welcome at the boat house.”

“Right. I’ll stop by the Jade Wolf and pick up your favorite.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Simon murmurs. “I know you don’t like the smell.”

Raphael shuts him up by kissing him. “Just let me take care of it,  _ dulzura _ .”

Simon’s cheeks heat up at the endearment. He has no idea what it means but he loves it when Raphael talks to him in spanish like that. “Fine. Be careful,” he murmurs, rubbing his thumb over Raphael’s wrist. “A guy could get used to this.”

“Good,” Raphael whispers, a tiny smirk on his lips. “That just means you’ll stay.”

“That was never an option. I’m here for the long haul. As long as you’ll have me.”

“God, you two are sappy,” Jace says, making Simon startle. 

Raphael turns an unimpressed look towards Jace. Simon squeezes his fingers and instead of hissing, Raphael just rolls his eyes. 

“I’ll never understand why Simon puts up with you,” he mumbles towards Jace. 

Jace gives him a wide smile. “It’s obviously my sparkling personality.”

“As sparkly as Edward Cullen,” Simon says with a smirk. Raphael groans and Simon’s chest lights up with their inside joke. 

“I don’t know why I put up with either of you,” Raphael murmurs before kissing Simon’s cheek. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Yeah,” Simon whispers, waving as Raphael leaves, a wide smile across his face. “Tonight.”


	8. Chapter 8

Simon paces back and forth, his belly in knots. The more he thinks about Raphael’s nervous voice, the more he worries. Because what the hell could make Raphael look like that? Did Simon already fuck things up before they’ve even gotten started? He thought things were going well, damn it!

“Simon?” Raphael calls, coming into the boathouse. Between one blink and another, Raphael is right in front of him, holding his face between his palms. “Hey,” Raphael whispers. “Breathe,  _ cari _ _ ñ _ _ o,  _ breathe.”

Simon sucks in a sharp breath, only now realizing how fast his heart is beating. “I’m okay,” he gets out. “I’m fine.”

Raphael helps him over to the bed, running his fingers through Simon’s hair. “What’s got you so freaked out?”

“It’s nothing,” Simon says, shaking his head. His arms go around Raphael’s middle, pulling him forward and leaning his face against Raphael’s stomach. Raphael’s fingers continue to runs through his hair and the tension he was holding slowly begins to fade. As his nails run over Simon’s scalp and Simon has to stop himself from actually purring. 

“Normally,” Raphael says, pulling back slightly so he can look down at Simon, “I would never allow food in bed, but just this once, I think we can make an exception.”

Simon lets himself be manhandled as Raphael helps him out of his jeans and into some comfy sleep pants. He sits against the headboard as Raphael prepares his food, his favorite dish from the Jade Wolf. “You must really like me,” Simon murmurs. “You haven’t even complained about the wet dog smell tonight.”

Raphael’s lips tick up, giving him a soft, fond smile. He hands Simon his food before turning towards the tv. “What the fuck are you watching, Si?”

Simon looks up, his mouth full, his fork hanging from his mouth. His eyes widen when he notices what’s on the screen. He was watching The Vampire Diaries before he went into his inner panic. He’d pauses it right as one of the vampires was showing his fangs, his eyes red and the veins looking creepy. 

Simon takes his time chewing and swallowing. Finally he shrugs. “Research?” 

Raphael stares at the tv before turning back to Simon. He lets his fangs drop down and Simon’s heart picks up speed, but not from fear. Raphael smiles, showing the perfect glint of his pointy teeth. Simon remembers how they felt against his skin and he shudders. 

“If you wanted to see fangs, all you had to do was ask,” Raphael says before he runs his tongue over each pointy end. Then he closes his mouth and Simon sucks in a sharp breath, remembering air is necessary for breathing. 

Raphael slowly slips out of his formal wear until he’s down to his boxers and tshirt. He slowly crawls into bed, laying beside Simon. “You could have brought a blood bag or something,” Simon murmurs as he eats. 

Raphael gently caresses Simon’s wrist. “What makes you think I didn’t plan on eating?”

Simon freezes. He closes his eyes, sucking in a sharp breath. His body feels lite up and he’s embarrassed to admit just how quickly his cock has filled with blood. He tries to keep his excitement in check, going back to his food. 

“Okay,” Simon says with a shrug. “Wait. Is that why you were so nervous before?”

Raphael kisses his wrist before giving it back to Simon. “Finish eating.”

Simon does as he’s told, enjoying his food and the companionable silence between them. He loves just being near Raphael, absorbing his presence. Raphael takes his finished plate and sets it on the bedside table. Then he pushes Simon down until his head rests against Raphael’s lap. 

Simon lets out a little sigh as Raphael goes back to playing with his hair. This moment feels precious, intimate in a way that Simon’s never experienced before. He gets to see this side of Raphael when no one else does. This is just for Simon and it makes him feel precious and treasured. 

“Tell me why you were panicking before,” Raphael says, gazing down into Simon’s eyes. 

Simon bites his bottom lip, his fingers restlessly picking at each other. “I don’t even know,” Simon whispers. “You were just so nervous earlier today. I thought maybe you were gonna try breaking up with me or something.”

Raphael sighs. “We really need to work on this self-esteem issue you obviously have.”

Simon rolls his eyes. “Right. Because I’m such a catch compared to someone like you.”

“You’ve no idea what you do to me,” Raphael murmurs. His hand touches Simon’s cheek, cupping it and making sure Simon can’t look away. “When we first met, I thought someone as beautiful as you would never be able to understand everything that comes with being with a vampire. You make me forget I’m a monster and remember the man I once was.”

Simon grips Raphael’s wrist. “You’re not a monster,” he whispers, repeating the words he’s already told Raphael. He kisses Raphael’s palm before letting go, letting him go on. 

“I plan on making sure you remember just how special you are, just as you do the same for me.”

Simon smiles so wide his cheeks hurt. Raphael gently takes his glasses from his face, placing them on the bedside table before turning the lamp off. Simon adjusts until he’s lying on his side, facing Raphael. Their hands find each other between them, holding tight. 

“I was nervous because there  _ is _ something I have to tell you.”

“Okay,” Simon says quietly, his stomach in knots again. 

“It’s nothing bad. I have to leave for a few days. There’s a vampire, Camille.” Raphael pauses, his hand tightening around Simon’s. “She’s trying to take the clan and I’m afraid she might do something to you if she knows you exist. So I plan on leaving for a few days and draw her away.”

“You can’t,” Simon grits out. 

“It’ll be okay. I’m bringing people I trust. She won’t get to you, Simon. I won’t let her.”

“Promise me you’ll be safe,” Simon whispers. 

“I promise,  _ mi rayo de sol _ .”

Simon shuffles over until he can lay his head against Raphael’s chest, Raphael’s arms coming around him and holding him tight. 

“Simon,” Raphael whispers, “kiss me.”

And who is Simon to disobey. He leans up on his elbows and kisses his soulmate. They trade gentle kisses, their lips caressing. Simon’s body feels alive as Raphael’s hands move over his back, the back of his neck, his arms. It feels so good. And even though Simon’s cock is hard, he has no desire to do anything more than what they’re doing. Because this is perfect. 

Simon’s body breaks out in goosebumps as their tongues touch. He wishes he could lay here, kissing Raphael all night. But it’s late and Simon’s tired and he just feels so content and so comfortable. 

“Go to sleep,” Raphael whispers, placing another chaste kiss against Simon’s forehead. 

Simon yawns, his eyes already too heavy to keep open. “Good night, Raphael. I love you,” he whispers before sleep takes him. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna give a little warning for this chapter because there is some sexual content.  
In this story, I've written Raphael as someone who enjoys gentle touches, he is not sex repulsed. But he also doesn't enjoy crossing most sexual lines. He enjoys kisses and snuggles and being intimate. 
> 
> In this chapter there will be kissing and some dry humping, and during which, Raphael and Simon talk throughout, constantly checking to make sure they're both alright and comfortable. Raphael isn't doing this because he thinks Simon wants it. RAPHAEL wants it because it makes him feel close to Simon. <3 <3 
> 
> Just wanted to make that all clear :D Love you guys, thanks for reading and sticking with me on this Saphael journey.

Simon wakes up with Raphael against his back, his arm wrapped around Simon’s middle. He lets out a sigh, his body lax and content. As carefully as possible, Simon turns over onto his back, turning his head to gaze at Raphael. He’s so beautiful when he’s sleeping, his face relaxed, those murder brows soothed out into something a tad bit less murderous. 

Simon laces their fingers together where their hands lay on his belly, content to just sit here and watch Raphael sleep. That is, until he looks down and sees the sheets tented. He lets out a muted groan, closing his eyes in frustration. His life would be so much easier if his body would listen to his head once in awhile. The last thing he ever wants to do is make his soulmate uncomfortable, so Simon attempts to crawl out of bed to take care of his issue. Except, Raphael’s arm tightens around him, holding him in place. 

“Hey,” he whispers, smiling at Raphael’s glare. “I’m just gonna use the bathroom real quick. I’ll be right back.”

“No,” Raphael says, his voice thick with sleep. It makes his cock throb even harder. Fuck. 

“I’ll be right back, Rapha,” Simon murmurs, his cheeks flaming. 

Raphael’s hold tightens further. “Why do you do that?” Raphael asks and Simon finally looks down at him, finding a hurt look on his face. It makes Simon pause. He has no idea what he’s done to put that look on Raphael’s face but he hates it and wants to fix it. 

Simon gives up trying to leave, letting Raphael move him until he’s the little spoon again. “Why do I do what?”

Raphael sighs, hiding his face against the back of Simon’s hair. Simon tries to ignore his rising arousal but he can’t stop his body from shuddering at the feeling. “You always go take care of that in the bathroom,” Raphael whispers, his voice thick with emotion. “Alone.”

Simon’s brain short circuits. He lays there in silence, trying to figure out what the fuck to say. He clears his throat, trying to get his thoughts in order. “Well,” he starts, pausing to lick his lips. “I don’t know. I figured you’d rather have me take care of it. I didn’t wanna make you uncomfortable.”

“And I don’t want you to be uncomfortable either, Simon,” Raphael says with a sigh. “You shouldn’t have to  _ hide _ that from me.”

“So what are you saying?” Simon asks slowly before turning around and facing Raphael. They’re so close their noses almost touch, their little bubble of intimacy. 

Raphael leans forward, so slowly that Simon literally holds his breath, waiting. Their lips touch and pleasure courses through his body. One of Raphael’s hands run up his side, causing Simon’s body to break out in goosebumps. He wants- 

“Do you trust me?” Raphael whispers against his lips. 

“With my life,” Simon answers without hesitation. 

Raphael smiles before pushing Simon onto his back. Simon opens his thighs, making room for Raphael to lay between them. The weight of him on top of Simon has him biting his lip, keeping himself from crying out. He’s so scared of doing the wrong thing, of accidentally doing something Raphael won’t like. 

“Hey,” Raphael whispers, his fingers playing with the hem of Simon’s shirt. “Trust me. I wanna do this with you, Si.” Raphael slowly pulls Simon’s shirt over his head. 

“I just worry,” Simon murmurs under his breath. 

“Let me take some of those worries away,” Raphael says back, taking his own shirt off, leaving them both in their boxers. Simon sucks in a sharp breath, his hands tightening against his sheets. “It’s okay,  _ mi rayo de sol. _ Touch me.”

Simon’s hands shake as they find Raphael’s skin. He runs them over Raphael’s toned stomach then over his ribs. “God,” Simon whispers. “You’re so hot.”

Raphael’s face breaks into a smile. He leans down, laying his entire torso against Simon’s. Then he kisses Simon’s lips. Simon’s tongue runs across the seam of Raphael’s lips and his body jolts with pleasure when Raphael answers. His knees tighten around Raphael’s hips and in answer, Raphael  _ moves _ , sliding his hips forward against Simon’s. 

Simon breaks the kiss, throwing his head back against his pillow with a moan. Raphael takes the opportunity to kiss Simon’s jaw before finding his ear. “I might not find you attractive but I can still appreciate how aesthetically pleasing you are,” he whispers. 

Simon smiles up at Raphael. “Your dirty talk needs some work.”

Raphael grinds his hips down again. “Seems to be working just fine,” he says with a smirk. Raphael’s mouth finds his throat, gently running his teeth over the sensitive skin. Simon lets out a whine, his knees shaking with how tightly they’re held against Rapheal’s hips. “Come on, Si,” Raphael murmurs huskily. “Move your hips against me. I want you to feel good.”

“Oh god,” Simon gasps out. His hips push up off the bed, rubbing his erection against Raphael’s hips. It feels so fucking good that it forces a whine from Simon’s throat. 

“That’s it, Simon,” Raphael whispers, kissing along his throat before stopping to suck a mark into his skin. Lightning bolts of pleasure run down his spine and Simon’s hands grip the back of Raphael’s hair, holding him right where he is. “Do you remember what you said last night,  _ bebe _ ?” 

“No. Tell me,” Simon demands, his brain foggy with lust. 

“You told me that you loved me,” Raphael whispers, licking across Simon’s pulse point, thrusting his hips down against Simon’s. “Did you mean it?”

Simon tugs on Raphael’s hair, forcing him away from his throat. Their eyes meet. “Yes. I mean it. I love you.”

Raphael’s face lights up as he smiles and the sight it breathtaking. “ _ Yo también te quiero, _ ” Raphael says back. Then saying it again in English, “I love you, too.”

Simon pulls Raphael back down, kissing him gently, slowly. He moans into the kiss, trying to project just how Raphael makes him feel, how much he cares for him. “Fuck, Raphael,” Simon murmurs as lust and love rushes through him equally. He’s right on the edge. 

“Tell me when you’re close, Simon,” Raphael says. “I’m gonna make you feel so good.”

“You already are,” Simon says, his voice sounding breathless like he’s just run a mile. “I didn’t think we would ever do anything like this.”

“I may not want sex as most people tend to see sex, but I still like being  _ intimate  _ with you, I like making you feel good. I’m not touch repulsed like some asexual people. Sometimes I even orgasm because my sexual attraction has nothing to do with my libido.”

“Will you talk to me about this more in the future?” Simon asks while the fog is lifted enough for him to focus. “So I understand and we’re on the same page?”

“Yes.” Raphael answers simply. “I’m sorry we misunderstood each other.”

Simon’s hands slide down Raphael’s back, feeling his strong muscles under his hands, the cool skin like a balm against his overheated own. “It’s okay,” he says, his hips moving of their own accord, riding his erection against Raphael’s hard stomach. “It’s okay. We’ll figure out. Just like we always do.”

Raphael looks into Simon’s eyes as he opens his mouth, his fangs sliding down into place. “Oh fuck, Raphael. I’m gonna come,” Simon cries, his balls drawing up tight against his body. 

Raphael kisses the side of his throat before biting down. Simon’s vision whites out. His body tenses all over as he’s flooded with the most mind-melting pleasure he’s ever experienced. His spine flies off the bed, somehow bringing their bodies even tighter together. Simon comes between them, his boxers filling with his cum but he doesn’t care because this is the best he’s ever felt. His head feels light and airy as Raphael feeds from him, the tug at his throat feeling overwhelmingly intimate and  _ good _ . Simon’s orgasm feels like it just keeps going and going and going until he’s nothing more than sensations and lax muscles and pleasure. 

When he’s finally coming down from the high of his orgasm, he’s left laying against his mattress, Raphael cradling the back of his head. As Raphael finally pulls his fangs free, he licks the puncture marks clean, his hands running soothing patterns against the back of his neck and cheek. 

“Rapha,” he slurs, his smile too big for his lips. He feels loopy and light. 

“Shit,” Raphael hisses. “I think I drank too much,  _ mi amor _ . Here,” he says, using one of his fangs to cut a small mark into his wrist before bringing it to Simon’s mouth. 

Simon is powerless to do anything but lick the blood Raphael is offering. The metallic taste hits his tongue but he can’t stop until Raphael pulls his wrist away, wiping the last drop from Simon’s bottom lip with his tongue. 

Simon stares up at Raphael with wide eyes before he’s giggling. “Oh my god,” he gets out. “That was amazing.”

“You look drunk,” Raphael says, wrinkling his nose. “It’s gross.”

Simon laughs even harder. “Yeah, well, you love me. Gross and all.”

Raphael’s lips tick up, his eyes softening. “I do. But that’s not stopping me from tossing you in the shower. You’ve made us both sticky.”

Simon laughs all the way into the bathroom, right up until they both get into the shower and gently wash each. Simon’s learning all the ways he and Raphael can be intimate without sex and so far, he’s loving each and every one. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little extra chapter this week <3

Simon stretches, a smile on his lips as he wakes up for the second time today. He thinks back to the night before and this morning, making his stomach flutters with joy. Raphael  _ loves _ him. 

He does a little happy wiggle. Raphael’s already left, off taking care of that rogue vampire. Simon went back to sleep for a bit since it’s the weekend. 

Simon grabs Raphael’s pillow, pulling in against his chest. He wants to breath in Raphael’s scent and snuggle against his pillow but the crinkle of paper has his eyes snapping open. His smile widens when he finds a note. 

After grabbing his glasses, Simon reads:

_ Si, _

_ As much as I’d rather not admit this, I will miss you while I’m gone. Please take care of yourself since I won’t be there to do it for you.  _

_ I love you.  _

_ Yours,  _

_ Raphael _

Simon’s chest feels full enough to burst. It takes everything in him to not get up and do a little celebratory dance. He resists, but only just. Picking up his phone, he texts Clary, asking her to meet him for coffee. If he can’t spend time with his soulmate, at least he has his best friend to keep him company. And if he happens to gush, well, that’s what best friends are for, right?

~~~

Simon sits in the booth, waiting for Clary. He sips his hot chocolate, watching as people walk past the window he’s sitting by. It’s a beautiful day, couples walking hand in hand because of the gorgeous weather. His heart clenches, thinking about doing the same once Raphael gets back from dealing with this big bad. 

“Wow,” Clary says as she sits down, pinning him with a grin. “You’re head is totally in the clouds right now. Let me guess. Good night with Raphael?”

Simon’s cheek warm without his permission. “Yes. But not in the way you’re thinking.”

Clary sips her drink, staring at him. Finally she raises her brow. “Details? Pretty please?”

“Since you asked so nicely,” he says, sticking out his tongue at her. Simon grows serious, staring down at his hot chocolate, his lips unable to stop smiling. “I told Raphael I loved him.”

“Oh my god,” Clary gasps, clutching her chest.

Simon nods. “Yeah. And the biggest surprise was he loves me back,” he murmurs, his voice soft, disbelief plain. 

Clary reaches over, slapping Simon’s chest. “Of course he does, Simon! You’re amazing. I’ve never met a person who didn’t love you.”

Simon adjusts his glasses. “Except Alec.”

Clary rolls her eyes. “Alec doesn’t like anyone. Except Magnus.”

Simon laughs. “That’s true. Magnus is good for him.”

“And Raphael is good for  _ you _ .” 

Simon sips his hot chocolate, ignoring the ache he feels in his chest. His entire being misses Raphael and he wishes he could be back in his strong arms. 

“Enough about me,” Simon finally says, ignoring the buzzing going on in the back of his head. “How’s it going with you and Jace?”

Clary’s face lights up as she begins to gush about her soulmate. 

~~~

Time flies by when you’re chatting with your best friend. Somehow, the sky’s already turned dark when Simon finally leaves the coffee shop. He kisses Clary’s cheek before heading towards home. As he walks, he pulls out his phone, texting Alec. 

**To Alec: He finally told me everything. If you still wanna talk about all things supernatural, I’m available.**

Simon’s unsurprised when his phone rings. Alec’s never seemed like the texting type. “Hey, Alec.”

“Simon,” Alec greets. “So he told you. That’s good?”

Simon smiles, hefting his messenger bag higher on his shoulder. “Yeah. It’s really good.”

“You sound disgustingly happy right now.”

Simon snorts. “That’s because I am. And don’t act like you’re not the same with Magnus.”

As Simon walks, he gets a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. The hair on the back of his neck stand on end, like someone’s watching him. He turns, but no one’s there. 

“Sorry, what was that?”

Alec sighs. “I was just saying this whole supernatural stuff is a lot to take in.”

“Yeah. Raphael told me he’s the leader of his clan. That’s so much responsibility and work. No wonder he always looks so annoyed.”

“That has nothing to do with your insistent talking?”

“Hey! He likes my talking!”

“Sure,” Alec says with a snort. 

“Do you ever get the feeling someone is watching you?” Simon blurts out, that feeling getting worse and worse as he continues to walk. The streets around him are dark and quiet. 

“Where are you?” Alec asks, his voice sounding worried. If Simon wasn’t so freaked out, he’d tease Alec for actually caring. 

“I’m on my way home.”

Suddenly, there’s someone in front of him. It startles Simon so much that he drops his phone on the ground. 

“Simon? Simon!” he hears coming from his phone but his eyes are locked on the woman in front of him. 

“So  _ you’re _ Simon,” she says, her voice coming out in a purr. She smiles at him, showing off her long fangs. 

“That’s me,” he murmurs awkwardly. “And you?”

“Maybe you’ve heard of me, Caramel,” she says, stepping closer to him. He swallows as one of her long nails touches his cheek. “My name’s Camille.”

It happens in a flash. Simon can’t do anything but stand still as Camille’s chest hits his back. She pulls his head to the side and sinks her fangs into the side of his neck. It’s nothing like when Raphael did it. This bite fills him with searing pain and disgust and shame. He was supposed to stay out of trouble so Raphael wouldn’t worry. 

Simon lets out a scream of pain that slowly fades into the night. No one’s around. No one is here to save him, no one to even hear him. 

“You taste so good, Caramel,” Camille murmurs, turning him around in her arms. 

“Why are you doing this?” he gets out, his head foggy. His knees threaten to give out but Camille holds him up. 

Her finger caresses his face again. “It’s nothing personal, Sugar. Just doing business.”

She picks up his glasses, tossing them off of his face. He watches as they shatter on the sidewalk. He feels so helpless. Simon’s head falls to the side. He’s so tired he can’t even hold it up anymore. His vision is blurry, his head is a mess, his limbs have stopped responding. Is this how he dies? Is this the end? 

Simon closes his eyes, thinking about Raphael and how they’d spent their morning. He hopes Raphael will be able to move on, find happiness once Simon is gone. 

“Oh shit,” Camille hisses. Simon opens his eyes, finding two figures running towards him. What little hope he feels is shattered when Camille wraps her hand around his neck. Between one blink and another, everything goes black. 


	11. Chapter 11

_ Raphael _

Raphael stands off to the side. Waiting. The cold sinking into his skin in a way he hasn’t experienced since his own death. His eyes are glued to the ground. Waiting. 

He hears a sniffle from where Alec, Magnus, and Clary stand but he ignores it. Can’t focus on anything but the ground in front of him. His stomach is in knots. If his heart could still beat, it would be breaking. Despite dreaming about this, Raphael didn’t want it to happen like this. Never like this. 

He’s confronted by his own death, remembering how he was  _ murdered _ . He wants to take the pain away, take the memories away but all he can do is wait. 

_ Simon _

Simon fights. Darkness surrounds him but he moves the only way he can. He pushes, everything around him threatening to choke him. He doesn’t know where he is. Doesn’t know  _ who _ he is. 

His throat burns and his eyes stay clenched shut. His hands continue to dig, dig, dig. 

Simon fights. Instinct takes over and he follows what his body wants until finally,  _ finally _ he breaks the surface. The cool air hits his face but it feels different. Not bad but not the relief he was hoping for. 

Simon sucks in a sharp breath only to freeze. Breathing doesn’t feel right. The air is sucked through his nose but he doesn’t  _ need _ it. He smells four people close by and he hates that he can distinguish between each person’s brand. His ears pick up the sound of three heartbeats and a part of him tugs at the new, primal instinct. Simon’s gums ache as he bares his teeth, itching to sink into warm flesh. 

Simon lets out a hiss he didn’t even know he was capable of. He opens his eyes, finding Alec, Magnus, and Clary standing in front of him. Alec and Magnus look pained while Clary looks like she’s been mourning. Those thoughts flick through his brain in a moment before he’s back to staring at Clary’s throat, listening to the deafening sound of her heartbeat. Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump. 

The hunger is overwhelming and demanding. He doesn’t just want. He needs. 

Someone crouches before him, a hand touching the side of his neck. He hisses again, angry something’s between him and his meal. 

“Simon,” a voice says. The voice is familiar. It makes him feel safe. It makes him remember snuggled nights together, soft kisses, spanish endearments. It makes him feel loved. And best of all, the voice makes him remember  _ Simon _ . 

“Hey,” Raphael whispers. “It’s me. You’re okay, Simon.”

Simon’s eyes find Raphael’s. Those brown eyes look right back and Simon slowly comes back to himself, his humanity clicking back into place. 

“Raphael,” he says and it comes out like a prayer, like Raphael is his last strand, his last hope. 

“There you are,” Raphael says, his lips barely ticking up in the way Simon recognizes as his smile. “Here,  _ mi rayo de sol.  _ Drink.”

Raphael brings a thermos to Simon’s mouth, helping him drink. The thick, warm blood hits his tongue and it’s like drinking a cold glass of water after a hard workout. It quenches that thirst, tames the ache in his throat. His fangs click against the side of the thermos and it makes him wince. 

“You’ll get used to them, Si.”

Simon nods, his eyes never leaving Raphael’s as he drinks, tilting the thermos all the way back and drinking every drop. 

“Thank you,” Simon whispers. 

“No,” Raphael says, his voice thick with emotions. “Don’t thank me for this. This is my fault.”

“Raphael,” Simon tries to say but Raphael cuts him off.    
  
“No. This is my fault. I never wanted this for you.” Then softly he adds, “not like this.”

Simon does the only thing he can. He lunges forward. With a hand on each side of Raphael’s face, he kisses his soulmate. He shoves his tongue into Raphael’s mouth, sweeping it through and moaning at the taste. He tastes different and new and fucking delicious. 

Simon moves to straddle Raphael after shoving him against the ground. Fuck. He’s never felt this type of  _ hunger  _ before. His lips move from Raphael’s lips to his jaw and then lower until he finds Raphael’s pulse point. Without a second thought, he bites. 

“Simon!” Clary yelps and it pulls Simon from his foggy mind. He looks up, hissing again because Raphael is  _ his _ . 

“Hey,” Raphael says again, tilting Simon’s face until he’s looking down at him. “Easy.”

Simon shakes his head. He feels like he’s a ping pong ball being hit back and forth. One second he’s hungry, the next he’s pissed, the next he’s horny. What the fuck is happening to him?

Simon’s hands shake as he grips the front of Raphael’s suit. He stares down, looking at how fucking dirty his hands are. Fuck. Everything seems to be clicking into place at once. He’s dead. 

“I’m dead.”

“Undead,” Raphael corrects. 

“I’m-” Simon’s voice breaks. “I’m a vampire.”

“Yes.” 

Simon swallows. “I’m a vampire. I uh, I died?”

“Camille,” Magnus says, slowly stepping up. “I tried to save you but I was too late. I’m sorry, Simon.”

Simon flinches for a moment as the thumping of Magnus’ heart gets louder in his ears. He stares at the bite he left on Raphael’s neck for a moment before he gets himself under control. “It’s not your fault,” he gets out, his throat aching for more blood. The closest thing he can relate the pain to is when he was sick with strep throat. “It’s her’s.”

Clary steps up and Simon can’t look at her, can’t handle seeing her bloodshot eyes. Can’t handle seeing the throb of her veins. “Raphael and I made the decision. I’m sorry if we choose wrong.” Clary whispers the last part so softly even Simon’s new vampire ears barely pick it up. 

He feels Raphael’s body tense. His eyes move from the bite to Raphael’s eyes. “You choose right,” he whispers, his voice breaking. “I’m a part of your world now. And I expect you to help carry this baggage,” he adds with the tinest smile. 

Raphael’s face chances as he lets out a sigh of relief. His arms come around Simon, holding him tight, one of his hands holding the back of Simon’s head. “That’s what soulmates are for, Si. I’m here to help carry as much as you’ll let me.”

“Someone really wise must have told you that.”

Raphael’s arms tighten before he whispers, “don’t push it.”


	12. Chapter 12

Simon wanders down the hall aimlessly, his mind a million miles away. This is how he spends most nights at Hotel Dumort. Since becoming a vampire, Simon’s felt down. Not himself. His hand comes up to his face before pausing, catching himself. He can’t adjust his glasses because he doesn’t need them anymore, his eyesight perfect now. 

Simon sighs as he continues to walk. Everyone here has welcomed him, made him feel at home, but his  _ unbeating _ heart just isn’t in it. He goes through the motions without feeling anything. Is this all life is ever gonna be? Tones of grey?

Lily sat down with him yesterday and told him all new vampires go through this. It gives him a tiny glimmer of hope. Simon can use any of that he can get right now. He hasn’t seen Clary since that night he literally dragged himself out of his own grave. He hasn’t picked up his guitar. He hasn’t sang a single note. Is his music gone alone with his heartbeat?

His feet take him towards the room he shares with Raphael. Raphael. Just his name makes something inside his chest warm. Despite feeling overwhelming numbness, his soulmate still makes him feel  _ something _ and Simon holds onto that because he misses feeling. He waits for the day he’ll wake up and feel again. 

The sun is starting to rise so he gets into his bedroom, quickly changing into sleep clothes. He gets into bed and waits, knowing Raphael will be here soon. He’s been in meetings all night, dealing with the aftermath of Camille. Magnus couldn’t save Simon but he did take care of Camille. Simon won’t have to worry about her again. 

He lays under the sheets, his eyes glued to the ceiling unseeing. When did he lose the music inside his soul? When did he become someone he doesn’t recognize. He sighs again. 

The door of their room opens and Raphael steps in. “Simon,” Raphael says gently, a smile on his face. There’s a large glass in his hand and Simon’s stomach sours, his lips tilting down. He knows what’s inside and he doesn’t want it. 

“Did you eat today?”

Simon shakes his head. “No,” he says, his voice coming out husky from disuse. 

“You need to.”

Simon shakes his head again. “I’m okay. Thanks, though.”

“Simon,” Raphael says with a sigh but Simon cuts him off. 

“I don’t want to. I’m fine.”

“You are not,” Raphael says gently. “You’re not fine, Simon. But that’s okay. Just please, don’t lie to me.”

Simon nods slowly before laying back down, turning onto his side. He hears Raphael sigh and it breaks his cold, dead heart. Somehow, in the midst of feeling numb, he still feels shame. Great. 

“I have an idea,” Raphael whispers, knowing Simon will hear him. “Do you trust me?”

Simon responds without pause. “Of course I do, Rapha.”

Simon closes his eyes, listening as clothes shift. Then he hears Raphael swallow several times, most likely drinking the glass of blood that he’d brought for Simon. Eventually, he gets into bed. Simon turns around, throwing his arm around Raphael’s middle and resting his head against Raphael’s chest. 

Raphael leans down, kissing Simon’s forehead. He begins to speak, his voice coming out softly and it relaxes Simon. “I was turned almost 70 years ago.”

“You look good for an old man,” Simon says back. Raphael’s arms tighten around him and this feels familiar, like how they were  _ before. _

“Magnus is over 400.” Simon whistles, making Raphael smile. “I didn’t have anyone back then. I was alone and struggling with being a monster. Everything was so dark and numb. It was like my emotions were trapped behind a glass. I knew they were there but I couldn’t reach them anymore.”

Simon swallows, taking in Raphael’s words and finding them true for himself. His hand clenches where it lays against Raphael’s chest, gripping a handful of his shirt. “Then what?”

“Then I met Magnus.” Raphael shakes his head, his voice turning fond. “He saved me. He reminded me of who I was before. He reminded me that I was still Raphael Santiago. And then he reminded me of what it was like to feel again.”

A palpable silence stretches between them. Simon closes his eyes before whispering, “will you help me feel again?”

Raphael rolls them until Simon’s flat on his back. He straddles Simon’s hips, his hands coming down and holding his face gently. His eyes bore into Simon’s. “Yes,” he says, his voice almost breaking at the end. It’s like a sigh of relief, or a prayer. “Yes, Si. I’m here. I’ll always be here. Let me help you.”

Simon nods, his chin quivering. He blinks his eyes several times, trying to chase away the prickling feeling he feels behind them. “Raphael,” he gets out. “Kiss me?”

“Of course,  _ mi amor _ .” And he does. After that night, Simon’s kept himself at arm’s length from his soulmate, too afraid of his reactions. That night he’d mauled Raphael, kissed him,  _ bitten _ him, all without his permission. He refuses to be afraid anymore. 

Their lips caress each other in a familiar dance of give and take. When their tongues touch, Simon can taste blood. Instead of recoiling or feeling overwhelming hunger, Simon just focuses on the feel of Raphael’s lips, the way his tongue feels against his own, the pleased hum Raphael makes. Simon takes in Raphael’s scent, focusing on Raphael’s weight against him. This is good. This moment is  _ good _ . 

When Raphael pulls back, Simon feels his lips tick up slightly, his chest feeling lighter than it has in a long time. “Thank you,” he breathes. 

“Anything for you,” Raphael says back, kissing Simon’s cheek. “But I’m not done yet.” Simon raises his brow and Raphael continues. “I know you haven’t been eating, Simon.”

Simon looks away, shame making him retreat once more. Except, Raphael grips his chin, forcing him to look up. “I know it’s hard right now. You’re not used to it and it’s just another reminder of what you’ve become.”

“I’m sorry,” Simon whimpers. 

Raphael’s thumb brushes over his cheek. “It’s okay. But you still need it,  _ cari _ _ ñ _ _ o. _ ”

Simon closes his eyes with a sigh, leaning further into Raphael’s touch. “I know,” he finally concedes. 

Raphael brings his wrist to his mouth, using one of his fangs to cut his skin. Blood wells up and Simon licks his lips, his mouth watering for a taste. His eyes break away from Raphael’s wrist to his eyes. “It’s okay,” Raphael whispers. “Feed, Simon.”

Simon freezes for a moment, warring with himself. He doesn’t wanna lose control, doesn’t wanna hurt his soulmate. But he  _ is _ hungry and the thought of sinking his fangs into Raphael’s skin makes his body light up in a way it hasn’t since before he was turned. He searches Raphael’s eyes, looking for any sort of second thoughts, any sort of hesitation. When he doesn’t find it, Simon moves. 

With his new vampire speed and strength, which he’ll admit he hasn’t mastered yet, Simon manhandles them until Raphael is sitting against the headboard, Simon in his lap, their chests only inches apart. He sucks in a sharp breath, reveling in the smell of fresh blood. 

“Do it,” Raphael says. “Please, Simon.”

It’s the please that does it. Without a second thought, Simon brings Raphael’s wrist to his mouth. Without breaking eye contact, he bites down. His mouth fills with blood which he greedily swallows. This moment is precious and intimate as Simon feeds from Raphael. It reminds him of nights spent snuggled together, trading gentle kisses. Tears prickle at his eyes as Simon’s chest fills with warmth. He remembers what it’s like to love Raphael and be loved by him. 

He closes his eyes, his body coming alive. His hips move and that’s when he realizes he’s hard and aching between his thighs, his dick rubbing against Raphael’s stomach. He’s about to pull his fangs free when Raphael touches his cheek. “It’s okay,” he whispers. “Keep going.”

Simon barely nods before he swallowing another mouthful, his body feeling more and more like himself. If his heart could still beat, it would be racing as Raphael’s free hand snakes between them, caressing his erection over his boxers. Simon’s eyes widen but Raphael just smirks, his grip tightening. 

“Just enjoy, Si. Let me take care of you.”

It only takes a few tugs before Simon is crying out, his fangs releasing Raphael’s wrist as he comes. His body floods with pleasure, all the tension he’s been holding this week finally being released. He lets out a choked sob at how loose and how good he feels. A stray tear falls down his cheek at the sheer relief of feeling something other than grey muteness. 

When Simon falls forward, Raphael is there to catch him, wrapping his arms around Simon and holding him tight. He whispers soothing words into his hair in Spanish that Simon doesn’t understand but makes him feel treasured and cared for. 

“Thank you,” he finally says against Raphael’s skin, his face buried at his throat. “Thank you for loving me.”

“It’s not a hardship, Simon,” Raphael says. “You are the ray of sunshine that lights up my life. Without you, I’d still be the bitter vampire I once was.”

Simon sniffles, trying to pull himself together. “And you’re my thread, tying me down and keeping me from sailing away.”

Raphael kisses his cheek. “I always knew you had your head in the clouds.”

Simon lets out a snort which sounds grossly wet from his tears. He smacks Raphael’s chest. “We should shower. I’m sure I’m making you all gross and sticky.”

“I can handle a little sticky.” He pauses before saying, “for you, I’d handle anything, Simon. If I could take these feelings away, I would. But I know I can’t. But I can promise to be here for you and remind you of who  _ Simon _ is.”

Simon nods slowly. “Thank you. I think I’m starting to remember him.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well ya'll, this is it. We've come to the end. THANK YOU to everyone who's joined me on the journey and kept coming back each week to read and leave me comments. It's been such a pleasure and I'm glad you all enjoyed as much as I did!! <3 <3

It’s been a month and a half since Simon was turned. And since that day, it’s been an uphill battle. He’s struggled more than he has in his entire life. He couldn’t see his family, couldn’t see his friends. He felt trapped and stifled and like he couldn’t keep his head above water. 

But slowly, things changed. Instead of wandering through the Hotel, Simon started training. Instead of drifting, Simon began to remember what it was like to live, and took steps to have that again. Instead of pushing Raphael away, Simon let him in and let him help. 

Training helped Simon hone his new skills, learn the ins and outs of his new body. He’s strong and fast. His hearing is overwhelming at times but now he can handle sitting with Magnus in the same room without his heartbeat being the only thing he hears. Simon’s eyesight is perfect, even if he misses his glasses sometimes. He hasn’t accidentally broken a fragile glass in his grip in over a week. It’s progress. It’s slow, and grueling, but it’s  _ progress _ . 

Lily teaches him how to disguise the blood in the best ways. Stan teaches him to fight. Raphael reminds him of his humanity. As the bleak, greyness lifts, Simon realizes he’s somehow gained a family here. He’s not alone. He is loved. 

Which is how he finds himself here; in a separate room that contains his guitar, a grand piano, and sheets of music. He sits cross-legged on the floor, his electric piano on the floor beside him, a pencil twirling between his fingers. The pencil goes flying and without a second thought, Simon uses his vampire speed to grab it mid air before sitting back down in the blink of an eye. 

“ _ Got a drop in my throat. Chill in my bones. When no one’s around,” _ he sings to himself, dropping a note on the song sheet. 

His fingers flit over the keyboard, notes filling the small room. It’s coming together. Simon stops playing, humming instead. The sound of the song sounds right and more than that, it  _ feels _ right. 

_ “It’s a fragile world, fragile world, fragile world.” _

Then Simon thinks about that night. Thinks about waking up to an entirely different world. He whispers the words as he writes them on his sheet as they come to him.  _ “ _ _ All the burden that I face inside every night. I'm a stranger when I wake, wake up in your eyes.” _

Simon smiles. It feels like it’s been so long since he’s written music and it makes him feel like coming home. It’s only because he’s been training with Lily and Stan does Simon realize he’s not alone. He takes a moment to listen, to smell. His smile grows wider as he turns around. 

“Raphael,” he greets. Raphael is leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest. Of course he’s in another suit that fits him perfectly, this one a beautiful deep red. Simon’s chest does a funny little flutter as he takes in his soulmate. He smiles, only to freeze when his fangs pop out without his permission. 

Simon groans, letting out a huff. “It’s like puberty again but without the body odor and zits,” he complains, pointing at his fangs. 

“Si,” Raphael says with a nod, his lips tilted in a fond smile. “You learn to keep them in. But that is a nice boost to my confidence. Thank you.”

Simon rolls his eyes. “Like your big head needs anymore inflating.”

Raphael’s face turns serious before he whispers, “it’s nice to hear you singing again. I’ve missed your singing voice.”

If Simon was capable of blushing, he knows his cheeks would be rosy red right now. Instead, he quickly stands, crowding up into Raphael’s space. Their chests touch as Simon’s hands come up to rest on either side of Raphael’s neck. “I’ve missed it, too,” he says before Raphael is laying gentle kisses against his face. “Thank you for helping me find it again.”

“Are you ready for tonight?”

Simon buries his face against Raphael’s throat, nodding his head. “I’m scared.”

Raphael’s head touches the back of his head. “It’ll be okay. You’ll have me and Magnus there. But you won’t need us,  _ mi amor. _ You’re ready.”

Simon’s been training so hard in order to take his life back. It’s Friday night, open mic night. Fuck, he hopes he’s as ready as Raphael says. 

~~~

Stepping through the door is like stepping back into his old life. Except not really. Because although everything is the same at Java Jace,  _ Simon _ is different. Now he hears everything, smells everything. It makes his skin crawl and his fangs itch to bare. He swallows around the lump in his throat, tightening his hand where it holds Raphael’s. 

He closes his eyes for a moment before he’s letting out a breath slowly through his nose. He’s okay. Simon’s really okay. Finally, he feels himself relax. He can do this. 

“I’m proud of you,  _ mi rayo de sol _ .”

They step up to the counter only to have Jace literally leap over the counter to get to Simon. “Jesus Christ,” Jace murmurs as he grabs Simon and pulls him into a tight hug. 

Simon’s arms come around, holding Jace right back. “Actually, I prefer Simon.”

Jace snorts before pulling away. “I was so worried about you. You don’t call. You don’t text. Clary told me what happened but I thought you’d at least let me know you were okay.”

Simon rubs the back of his neck. “I just needed some time. I’m sorry.”

Jace nods. “It’s alright. But next time something like this happens I better get a fucking phone call.”

“Fine. The next time I die I’ll ring you up.”

“Fuck you,” Jace says before hugging him again. “I have a surprise for you!”

And then he’s running back behind the counter and Simon lets go of the breath he was holding. Not that he needs to breathe. But he can smell how good Jace smells even from across the counter, so holding his breath when he’s literally got his neck bared is probably smart. 

“You’re doing so well,” Raphael whispers. 

Simon gives him a small smile. He is, isn’t he?

“Here you go,” Jace says, sliding a cup over the counter. 

“You know I have, uh, dietary restrictions, right?”

Jace rolls his eyes. “Just trust me?”

Simon keep eye contact as he slides the glass towards himself. He brings it up to his mouth, taking a sip. His eyes widen as the flavor explodes on his tongue. It’s blood but it’s not. It’s coffee, but not really. 

“What is this?” he demands, taking another large sip. 

Jace looks smug. “Coffee blood. Magnus helped me with a recipe. Just for you.”

Simon’s eyes prickle unpleasantly as he’s hit with fondness. Fuck. He feels loved and cared for. He  _ feels _ . 

“Fuck you,” Simon says through gritted teeth. “You’re supposed to be an asshole, not all amazing.”

“What are best friends for?”

“Excuse you,” Clary says, walking up to the counter. “I believe Simon’s best friend position is taken.”

“Fight you for it,” Jace says, leaning over the counter and giving Clary a kiss. 

“Not a chance,” she says with a smirk. “We both know you cheat.”

Simon sits back, leaning his side against Raphael, sipping his blood coffee. He was terrified of losing this, of never getting that feeling of normalcy again. Yet, here he is. 

“You ready for your spot, Lewis?”

“You know it, Fray.”

Simon gets up on the little stage, picking up his guitar. His eyes flit over the crowd like they always do. He finds his friends all sat at a table in the middle of Java Jace. There’s Clary and Jace, snuggled together. Magnus and Alec, their heads almost touching from how close they’re leaned together. Izzy, whispering something to Raphael, making him smile. 

“Welcome to the Java Jace, everyone. My name is Simon Lewis and I’ll be playing some songs for you tonight,” he says into the mic. 

Everyone claps, cheering him on and Simon’s chest fills with warmth. Through everything that’s happened, he’s still Simon. But now he has his soulmate by his side and more friends, merging into a giant, dysfunctional family. 

His eyes flick over to Raphael, finding those beautiful brown eyes locked on him. Raphael’s lips smirk before he’s mouthing, ‘I love you’. It settles the rest of Simon’s nerves. 

Simon strums his guitar, the music coming from his soul. It washes over him and every single person in the coffee shop. Through every up and down and turn and flip, he knows Raphael and his little crew will be there for him. His eyes look around the room, finding Stan and Lily and some of the other clan there to support him. 

In a room full of mundanes, the supernatural wiggle their way in and Simon’s glad to be in on the secret. 

Simon thinks of the fragile world he’s lived in and how that illusion has shattered with his rebirth. And how he doesn’t regret; not for a second. He’s thankful Raphael trusted him with his secrets. Now, they share a secret smile as Simon sings, the song coming together just like it did in Simon’s head. 

_ “Cause I've come too far, under the stars. I'm ready to fear. To earn easy days, mysterious ways. I'll never refill. All the burden that I face inside every night. I'm a stranger when I wake, wake up in your eyes.” _

His fingers play the notes on his guitar, his emotions coming to the surface. Simon thinks about that wall, holding his feelings back just as Raphael describes and in this moment, looking on to his friends, doing what he loves, Simon realizes with a start that that wall is no longer as thick. 

Just another reason to sing this song to his soulmate, just another reason to let Raphael know how fucking  _ thankful _ and lucky Simon is to have him. As he plays, Simon hopes Raphael knows what he’s saying. By the look on Raphael’s face, he does. _ “When the world I've come to know. Is a replica of our own. Forever alone. Flying in the air. When I'm refuged and I'm saved. In mystery never breaks. I'm hiding away. Flying in the air. It's a fragile world, fragile world, fragile world.” _


End file.
